pocoyayo!

Unless

2012-02-11T23:40:00.003-05:00

I don't usually write or comment when pop icons die. There is usually so much chatter going on around Facebook, Twitter, etc., that I don't feel the need to add to the noise. So, all I'm going to say about Whitney Houston is this: Around 7 this evening, I was wearing my apron, wielding a rolling pin, flattening out dough for homemade tortillas. Naturally, I started daydreaming about this version of Cinderella. Not even an hour later, I got a text from my husband. When I read it, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I texted him back: No more death announcements via text unless it's an evil dictator.

what we tell them

2012-01-24T18:43:00.004-05:00

I saw you when I was pushing my daughter in her stroller. You were with your two little girls. We were walking to the same bookstore. You knelt down and told them, Please be good when we go inside. This will be quick. I just need to get one thing. You held the door open for me, with my cumbersome stroller, there were no automatic doors. You stepped to the kiosk just beyond the entrance. See? This is what I needed to get. I pushed on, wandering, thinking, browsing, chattering to my girl for fifteen, twenty minutes. We headed to the magazines, and that's when I saw you again. Snaking through the magazine racks, your girls trailing behind you. I wasn't surprised. And I couldn't blame you. Not telling your girls you were there to daydream was the only way to keep the peace. Peace is what you really came for. Just that one thing.

chopped.

2012-01-10T15:32:00.008-05:00

I did it. Just a few minutes ago, in my daughter's bathroom with a pair of kitchen scissors. I'm probably going to need professional intervention to fix what I've done, but I got it into my head that I had to do it today, and I had to do it myself.

Strangely, I'm not horrified. Maybe it hasn't hit me yet. Right now, I'm happy, and I feel free. And my curls feel bouncier already.

My mom is gonna have palpitations the next time she sees me.

I hope K doesn't hate it!

P.S. What you don't see in this picture is the little rugrat, known around here as Miss M, grabbing onto my legs and nearly tripping me over. But she was there, and that's what she was doing. I don't think she noticed my haircut, by the way. I could have shaved my head, for all she cared, as long as snack time was on schedule. :)

chop.

2012-01-10T00:25:00.005-05:00

This has me daydreaming (obsessing) about chopping my hair off. Over the years, lupus and childbirth have ravaged my hair, leaving nothing but a long, stringy-curly remnant of what used to be. I want to start fresh. See what's underneath all the straggles and split ends. See what grows to replace the damaged mess. Fear is the only thing stopping me.

Over recent months, I have been paying attention to who I really am on the inside. Resisting the urge to please others, the urge to cram myself into the ill-fitting sweater they think my life should be. I've just grown tired and weary of struggling, and am finally beginning to let myself be myself. It's refreshing, this not having to fight.

If I chop my hair off, it would be like graduating.

Opposite Day

2012-01-08T18:53:00.004-05:00

When I was a little girl, my family lived in an apartment complex in Northern Virginia, just outside D.C. I was friends with many of the girls my age who also lived in the "courtyard," as we called it. Our buildings formed a rectangle in the inner portion of the neighborhood. Between the four buildings was rectangular sidewalk, and within that rectangle was a plot of grass and trees. After school, on weekends, and in the summer, we played out there like it was our job. We roller-skated, jumped rope, rode bikes, used the fence as a balance beam, hung upside down from the trees. We played with our dolls, did all those hand-clapping games (including the one from the Cosby Show*), and sang kid songs.

What I'm about to relate to you now is a song I made up during that time, when I was about six or seven years old. Although my friends and I definitely had our squabbles and "mean girl" moments, I think I was just having fun with opposites when I composed this little ditty. It's sung to the tune of "Say, Say My Playmate".

Say, say my enemy,
come out and fight with me
and bring your bulldogs three.
Fall out my apple tree.

Slide down my thunder cloud
into my jail door.
And we'll be enemies
forevermore.

There, now I've made myself vulnerable. Please don't judge me. I really wasn't a dark and morose child.

See?

*Skip to minute 4:55.

Stuff I Need To Learn

2012-01-05T10:38:00.004-05:00

1. How to quilt. I have made exactly three blankets in my life. Most recently, I made one for my daughter (finished just in time to present it to her as her eighth-night Hanukkah gift). It is a pinkish floral print on the front and soft fleece on the back. And it features some crooked stitches. As much as the crooked stitches add character, I would love to learn how to quilt for real. Learning to quilt has been on my "someday' to-do list forever. Maybe it's time to cross that item off. I'm tired of feeling jealous when I see things like this.

2. How to play guitar. I bought a guitar maybe five or six years ago. I tried learning some chords, but gave up when I felt like I was too clumsy to keep up with the rhythm of the karaoke-style practice track that I had. Yesterday, my daughter pointed to my guitar case, so I opened it up and showed her what was inside. I strummed randomly on the un-tuned strings. Surprisingly, my girl liked it, even though it sounded terrible. She whine-cried when I put the guitar away. So, I owe it to my girl to learn how to play that thing. Actually, I owe it to myself, too. Learning to play guitar has been on my to-do list since I was a high-school girl enthralled with the likes of Oasis, Pearl Jam, and Nirvana.

P.S. These items will be added to my general to-do list for the year, which includes taking more "fine art" photos and submitting at least one poem per month for publication. What's on your to-do list?

I Can't Resist

2011-12-23T14:44:00.003-05:00

Every year, I find it impossible to resist taking pictures of the Hanukkah candles. So, here is a cell phone picture of our candles from last night.

Please pardon the messy table. It's covered in junk. I wish I could say that it's covered in junk because we are moving. But, really, this table always looks like that. (We rarely use it for eating.)

See the laminated piece of paper underneath the menorah? That's an apple print place mat that Miss M made in the nursery for Rosh Hashana. It's been sitting on our table since around that time.

So, anyway, once we move, the messy table will be a thing of the past. We'll still have the table, but without the mess. I decree it.

test

2011-12-22T01:24:00.007-05:00

Just testing out how to password-protect individual blog posts on Blogger. It works!

Click here to enter the password

Miracle

2011-12-20T11:38:00.001-05:00

Happy Hanukkah, y'all!

Here We Go Again

2011-12-15T20:05:00.004-05:00

Things are probably going to be quiet around here for a while. In exactly two weeks, we're moving. Again. Yes, we're nomads. I have an insane to-do list. At least I'm not bored.

(Mostly) Still Life

2011-12-02T09:17:00.001-05:00

Still-life photos from around the in-laws' house on Thanksgiving. (And a stealth shot of my hubby watching football.) Cross-posted from my photo blog.

I guess I'll read or edit photos or write a poem instead...

2011-11-30T20:15:00.005-05:00

Potty-time,
bath-time (which includes shampoo/conditioner-time),
tooth-brushing-time,
story-time,
prayer-time,
Shema-time.

All of these things stand between me and her bedtime.

Tonight, I completed them all before 8pm, with five minutes to spare.

She went down without a fight.

All that, and then my show didn't even come on.

stuff (and a person) i like

2011-11-28T22:47:00.006-05:00

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

This version of Cinderella.

Romeo & Juliet for tots. I squealed when I saw this book at Barnes & Noble. So, my mom bought it, ostensibly for my daughter. But let me tell you, my heart leaps a little when Miss M picks this one for me to read to her.

Sharon Moody. She's my friend (and former roommate) Tracy's aunt. She's an artist and art professor at Georgetown. Once, Tracy and I stayed at her house for a few days. Her house was decorated with many of her own beautiful original pieces. During our time there, Sharon gave us a tour of the National Gallery of Art that couldn't be rivaled. Even nearly a decade (!) later, I'm still impressed.

Detour Ahead

2011-11-21T22:04:00.003-05:00

When I was about 20 years old, I loved this song. I would play it--really the whole cd--over and over and over.

And here's an interesting side note: Ella Fitzgerald and my little Miss M were born in the very same town. For reals.

We'll Try Again Some Other Time

2011-11-19T23:09:00.004-05:00

My hubby, Miss M, and me in our backyard. I thought I'd just set up the tripod, turn on the self-timer, and get a few quick shots of us as a family. Easy! Not so much. Miss M apparently had better places to be and more interesting things to do.

(Photos taken October 10, 2011.)

sippy cup purgatory

2011-11-17T10:57:00.004-05:00

My kid hates sippy cups. She now owns nearly every type of sippy cup that exists in the world. And she hates them all. The doctor keeps scolding me because Miss M is still on the bottle, but she has no idea how stubborn my daughter can be. She would rather be dehydrated than drink from a sippy cup. But, of course, I'm not going to let her be dehydrated just to follow some pediatric association's guidelines.

Please tell me I'm not a slacker mom. Pretty please with sugar on top?

M. Update (or Mupdate, if you will)

2011-11-15T20:31:00.005-05:00

I took advantage of the time change to make my daughter's bedtime an hour earlier without having to do any sleep training. I'm either smart or lazy. (Don't respond to that.)

Speaking of Miss M, here's a random update:

She will be 16 months old at the end of the month.

She has six teeth. I have to do some crazy acrobatics in order to get her to allow me to brush those six teeth.

All of a sudden, she is a climber. Just today, she climbed from her toy car/wagon onto the ottoman in our living room. Once atop the ottoman, she stood up as if in triumph. Later, she climbed into her car seat and stood up in that. And finally, she climbed into her stroller and tried to stand up in it, but I wouldn't let her. Last week, I caught her trying to scale the tv stand to get to the remote (which she is not allowed to play with). Gymnastics lessons may be in her future. Her skills may come in handy on all the apparatus events.

She doesn't call me "Mommy". If she's really upset, she'll call me "Ra! Ra!"...otherwise, it's "Hey, you!" (I kid.)

She does call her dad, "Daddy". But she also calls all kinds of other random things "Daddy". Her dolls are "Daddy". Any baby or child or young-looking teenager is "Daddy". Anything that relates to feeding her is "Daddy". And when she is heartbroken because it's bedtime, she cries over and over, "I Daddy! I Daddy!" That could either mean, "I want my daddy," or, "I'm a sad baby."

It's next to impossible to get a picture of her face with my cell phone because she's always on the move. So I've been missing some photo ops because I don't always have my real camera on hand. Plus, when I bring out the big cam, she always wants to play with it, so its very presence ruins some photo ops. Ironic? With a toddler, not really.

And since I used "toddler", I might as well mention that we have the whole baby-versus-toddler debate quite frequently. Is she a baby? Is she a toddler? Sometimes she seems like more kid than baby. But sometimes, like today, when she falls asleep curled up next to me wearing nothing but a shirt and a diaper (because she literally danced her pants off), sucking on her "paci" and looking all sweet, she's definitely still a baby.

Here she is hanging onto my leg:

And collecting leaves in the front yard:

I've heard that doctors make the worst patients

2011-11-14T21:44:00.007-05:00

I edited a paper for a family friend this morning. Tonight, I'm editing a ten-page paper for my younger sister. This is what happens when people know you majored in English. And used to be an English teacher. I'm not whining, I promise. I like helping people.

When I finished this morning's edit, it occurred to me that I have never voluntarily submitted anything I have written for someone else to edit. Yeah, I swapped papers with classmates in my First Year writing class because I had to. And I submitted my poems to be critiqued in my workshops like everyone else did. Again, because it was required. But I never willingly subject my writing to public scrutiny if it's not mandatory. (This blog doesn't count. I will never see it hemorrhaging red ink.)

I think it has everything to do with my perfectionist tendencies. My deep fear of looking like (i.e., feeling like) an idiot. My fear of making mistakes in front of witnesses. Whatever the reason, I think this is something about me that needs to change. Especially if I want to be a published author someday. And I do want to be one very much.

P.S. Don't ask how many times I clicked "edit" and republished this post. It's embarrassing.

untitled

2011-11-13T22:03:00.003-05:00

Tonight, all I have is a blank screen and a million things on my mind.

just like in the movies

2011-11-12T21:18:00.007-05:00

Last night, I had fallen asleep on the sofa while watching a movie with my husband. Around 12:40 a.m., my husband woke me, noting that the power had just flickered out for a few seconds and come back on.

Then we heard the noises.

Creaking, tapping kinds of noises that sounded like they were coming from the kitchen, but we couldn't be sure. My husband left the room to search all over the house for the source of the noise. I sat frozen on the sofa with my heart pounding, anticipating I don't know what. Something horrible. The baby was sleeping next to me, because she had awakened earlier and I hadn't bothered to put her back into bed. I felt comforted that at least she wasn't sleeping alone in a room, vulnerable to whomever or whatever may be creeping around-or-through our house.

The next door neighbors' dog began to bark. The barking continued. My husband returned to the room, having found nothing. A few minutes later, the barking stopped. My husband said it was a good sign that the dog had stopped barking. I thought, but didn't say, that maybe the intruder had killed the neighbors' dog.

Eventually, we went to bed, but I fought sleep hard, wanting to be aware, just in case. I prayed for God to send a team of angels to stand guard around our house. The kind that would be at least seven feet tall, with swords. I wanted to stay awake until I could feel the solace of daylight. But sleep overtook me long before then.

When I awoke this morning, I looked out the back window to see if there were any signs of what may have happened last night. There were none. Only newly-fallen autumn leaves punctuating the lawn.

um...

2011-11-11T17:03:00.001-05:00

I'm so tired I can't come up with a single thing to write about except how tired I am. And that's boring.

So, here's something not boring about someone who's not me. Enjoy and have a great weekend!

so this guy inherits a rickety old boat...

2011-11-10T22:42:00.002-05:00

Sorry, nothing profound tonight. I'm watching Captain Ron with my husband. Yes, a random movie from 1992 that I had never heard of until a few minutes ago. The things we do for love.

Virginia Girl

2011-11-09T22:06:00.002-05:00

"Bah", she says and waves to her dad as he leaves for work.
Bah, with the short a sound as in cat.
My little girl has a southern accent.

i should go check on her now...

2011-11-08T23:53:00.003-05:00

our kid went to sleep without crying tonight. she didn't make a single peep. just lay down and went to sleep, bottom up in the air the way toddlers do. i got to rewrite the beginning of my story. i got to eat two peanut butter sandwiches and slurp down a mug of ice milk and watch parenthood without being interrupted by her cries that get louder and louder the longer i try to let her cry it out. i should have been gleeful at her sudden good behavior, but instead it made me nervous. i'm always looking for trouble.

just a question

2011-11-07T23:24:00.002-05:00

What path would I take in life if--God forbid--I had no parents to please? I'm not talking about being reckless or immoral or anything like that. I'm talking about me and God and the life He built me for. We are supposed to honor our father and mother, but we are supposed to live for God. What would my life look like if I really did that?

in the trenches

2011-11-06T22:38:00.004-05:00

i'm sleepy.

that's my refrain these days. my daughter is potty training, and she wakes up whining and gnawing on her pacifier in the middle of every night, signifying that she has to pee and she would rather not do it in her diaper. i can't ignore it. she'll just keep whining because she really has to go. so we stumble to her potty, me shuffling across the cold wood floor in my slippers, her on my hip. when she sits down, she wraps her arms around my neck and leans into my chest, because she's so sleepy she can barely hold her head up. i crouch down in front of her, and i know i must talk to her, but i can't really remember what i say at this dark time of the morning. this is our ritual. every night, about four hours before she's up and chattering that it's morning and why aren't her dad and i playing with her already? and i'm shuffling to the kitchen to make her morning bottle and spread her oatmeal on toast.

pandora saturday night

2011-11-05T22:26:00.010-04:00

My tea is steeping. Sugar cookie flavor, supposedly to satisfy my sweet tooth. But I know I'll still be wishing for a chocolate bar* or chocolate chip cookies after I finish this cup.

I'm listening to a beautifully disturbing duet on Pandora--the cover of Endless Love as sung by Rachel Berry (student) and Will Scheuster (teacher) on Glee.

I'd much rather be writing with a pencil in my journal, but I dare not enter my room to get those things. The baby has just fallen asleep back there, and she is a notoriously light sleeper.

I hear a plane overhead. I don't know if I'll ever get used to hearing fighter jets speeding above my house. I keep imagining them crashing into my living room.

And now it's Bruno Mars taking me in a bubblegum pop direction, even though I was feeling angst-y and guitar-y just before I opened Pandora. I should probably hang out in pop land anyway. My younger brother once chastised me for listening to melancholy music when I was feeling blue. He was right, I guess.

But sometimes it's fun to wallow.

*I never liked chocolate all that much, but sometimes I crave it. "Sometimes" has been happening a lot more frequently lately.

P.S. K brought home brownies! And I didn't even ask!

off day

2011-11-04T16:57:00.005-04:00

off day

on his days off

he sometimes follows the advice
they give to new mothers
sleep when the baby sleeps

i never did learn that trick

because there is always something

that needs doing

even now

i should be folding some clothes
and putting others
into the dryer

~robyn L., november 4, 2011

a beginning

2011-11-04T14:52:00.002-04:00

*originally written on November 3, 2011*

Today we went to the park. I jogged and walked (mostly walked) while K strolled the baby. As soon as I began running, my legs felt cramped, nearly immobile, like they could fold up underneath me and I would crash down like a tragic racehorse.

***

Obviously, running once every three years isn't going to cut it.

crayola haiku

2011-11-02T23:09:00.002-04:00

first box of crayons
she broke the blue into three
colored orange sky

snapshot

2011-11-01T22:37:00.002-04:00

i toss her red ball--
the one covered with rubbery spikes--
up in the air and i'm stunned
by the contrast between red ball,
blue sky,
in bright sunlight.
i want to photograph it,
wondering if i can toss it
in the air with my left hand
and click the shutter
with my right.
would it be in focus?
properly exposed?
would the ball hit me in the face?
would the baby run into the street
while i'm fiddling
with the ball-and-camera configuration?

Taken with my camera phone.

I love it when things blow my mind...

2011-10-31T17:26:00.003-04:00

I just saw this "Jew in the City" video. You want to know what blew my mind? The discussion of the word "day".

Because it's high time I used a good baseball metaphor...

2011-10-28T00:38:00.003-04:00

during the tenth inning

we're rooting for a game seven,
he says.
what?!
if they win this one,
there's another game after?
yes.
that's more torture for you.
i know,
he says.

at first i think
i'd just want it to be done.
no more nerves,
no more suspense,
no more crouching
in front of the tv
either to spring up
or stomp and pound a fist
depending on where the ball lands.

but then i think,
isn't this rooting for a game seven
just like life?
wanting to go on
another day
and another day
and a forever of
another days
even though
it's just more torture?

~robyn L., october 28, 2011

P.S. Looks like we got our game seven. :)

a little bit of vanity

2011-10-26T10:32:00.003-04:00

About four or five months after my daughter was born, my hair began to fall out. It was so disheartening to see my hair coming out in clumps in my comb, clogging my shower drain--especially since I had such fine, wispy hair to begin with. Now that my daughter is nearly fifteen months old, I'm happy to report that my hair is finally growing back. So, for those of you in the throes of postpartum hair loss, don't lose hope. Your hair will grow back...eventually.

And here's a pic of the reason my hair fell out. Totally worth it, yeah?

surprise

2011-10-20T10:03:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I'm a bit jaded and cynical about videos that have gone "viral". But this one caused my jaw to drop.

In Other('s) Words

2011-10-02T13:22:00.005-04:00

I'm letting this post by Kelly Sauer speak for me today, because I feel like I could have written it myself:

The Other Side

Be a Walking Torah

2011-09-23T16:35:00.002-04:00

A little video I ran across via one of Mayim Bialik's tweets a few minutes ago:

We have since switched to finger foods...

2011-09-21T21:55:00.001-04:00

My little baby girl, just born yesterday, insists upon feeding herself.

Marmee Says

2011-09-18T14:08:00.002-04:00

I'm currently reading Little Women. I realize that I'm nearly 34 years old, and this novel is intended for children (and maybe young adults). But, I have never been ashamed to delve into juvenile fiction, re-reading my favorite Babysitters Club serials or reading an awesome Lois Lowry trilogy for the first time.

So, I'm reading Little Women, and have been collecting some valuable pearls of wisdom in the process. Here are a couple of quotes from the girls' mother, Mrs. March, also known as "Marmee"*:

My child, the troubles and temptations of your life are beginning and may be many, but you can overcome and outlive them all if you learn to feel the strength and tenderness of your Heavenly Father as you do that of your earthly one. The more you love and trust Him, the nearer you will feel to Him, and the less you will depend on human power and wisdom. His love and care never tire or change, can never be taken from you, but may become the source of lifelong peace, happiness, and strength. Believe this heartily, and go to God with all your little cares, and hopes, and sins, and sorrows, as freely and confidingly as you come to your mother. (When Jo and Marmee were discussing Jo's quick temper and how to control it.)

Work is wholesome, and there is plenty for everyone; it keeps us from ennui and mischief, is good for health and spirits, and gives us a sense of power and independence better than money or fashion.... [O]nly don't go to the other extreme and delve like slaves. Have regular hours for work and play, make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well. Then youth will be delightful, old age will bring few regrets, and life become a beautiful success, in spite of poverty. (When Marmee allowed the girls to indulge in a little experiment in which they did no chores for an entire week. Of course the results of that experiment were comical and mildly tragic.)

On a side note, isn't ennui such a fun word to say?

*Thanks to the 1994 movie adaptation, I cannot read this book without envisioning Susan Sarandon as Marmee.

The London Posts: Part V (the end)

2011-09-15T10:25:00.001-04:00

11 May 2004
Strand, London, England

I prayed for an epiphany. This is what I've learned on this trip:

1. Traveling can't fulfill me like I thought it would. The loneliness I thought I could leave behind came along for the ride. Wherever I go, the yearning comes with me.... Europe is such a romantic place--it makes me more restless. I thought I could bury this feeling. I feel like I will never be delivered from it.

2. Scrambling to collect life experiences does not heal any pain. If I'm not already at peace on the inside, no amount of life experiences or world travel will bring me true happiness. It's good to have these experiences, but I shouldn't look to them to sustain me or bring meaning to my life. Meaning comes from a place within, where my heart meets God.

3. Poor people still exist, even in trendy, fashionable Europe.

4. For the most part, it seems that in Europe, Christianity is a thing of the past, reserved for centuries-old cathedrals and elderly priests. Europe needs Jesus badly. I've been ignoring Him; I need Him too.

The London Posts: Part IV

2011-09-14T10:12:00.001-04:00

11 May 2004
Bath, England
(Evan Evans Tours)

Today we saw Stonehenge, which I thought was amazing, an opportunity of a lifetime. I could hardly believe I was there. I still can hardly believe that I went there. B, on the other hand, was much less enthused. "They're just a bunch of old stones!"

Afterwards, we took the tour bus to Bath, England where we saw the Roman Baths. The English countryside and the hillside views leading to Bath were absolutely stunning. We saw Jane Seymour's house (Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman), which looks like a castle and was built by Henry VIII. Bath Abbey--the church--was beautiful, and I wanted to stay to take pictures, but we had to hurry back to the tour bus.

I wish I could live in Europe.

Me at Stonehenge, May 2004

Stonehenge

Me in front of Bath Abbey, May 2004

The London Posts: Part III

2011-09-13T09:49:00.003-04:00

10 May 2004
London, England
(about May 9, 2004)

On Sunday, B and I went to church at Kensington Temple in Notting Hill Gate. It is a large Pentecostal church. We were a few minutes late because we had a little trouble finding the church once we got off the tube. We stopped at a small grocery store to get directions. The girl we asked pointed us in the right direction, and then we just sort of wandered until we found it. Once inside, the church was quite crowded, and we had to sit in the overflow room in the basement. The overflow room was also crowded, full of families and children, and hot. The church was multicultural, but appeared to be mostly black. I regret that I was so tired, because I kept dozing during church....

Today we went to the London tower bridge and ended up hopelessly lost afterwards because a few of the underground (tube) stations were closed. The Aldgate station attendant had given us vague directions, and we ended up walking probably an hour in the wrong direction, into a seedy-looking town called Hackney. We turned around, aching feet and all, and retraced our steps. We ended up at the Aldgate station again, and decided to wait there because of our tired feet, but gave up when we realized we would be waiting for at least an hour. This time the station attendant told us the name of the street (Liverpool) the alternative station was on, and we found it with relative ease.

Once we got back to the Strand, we went to McDonald's for dinner. I have had McDonald's more times since I've been here than I had at home probably in the past two months. I usually eat McDonald's maybe once a month, if that much. Needless to say, I feel disgusting tonight. Tomorrow is going to be a cleansing day.

Tomorrow, we are planning to see the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace, Westminster Abbey, and the National Gallery. On Tuesday, Stonehenge and Bath. Wednesday--I don't know yet. We leave very early on Thursday morning.

Observations about London--British television is a lot more licentious than American. The "F"-word is spoken regularly on network television and nudity seems to be no big deal. Full frontal male nudity is unheard of on U.S. television, but it has caught me by surprise several times on the BBC this weekend. I've noticed that I'm becoming desensitized to the "F"-word. I'm not saying it, but I hardly notice when it is said now. The men around here on average seem to be taller than American men--and more fashionable. The men are not "macho" like American men, and seem to not mind close physical contact with their male friends....

Note: Our hotel is near Covent Garden, on the Strand and Wellington Street. We are also near the River Thames, Parliament Square and Big Ben, St. Paul's Cathedral, the London Eye, Trafalgar Square and the National Gallery, and Piccadilly Circus.

I forgot to mention that we saw the Globe Theatre on Sunday.

Trafalgar Square, May 2004

Big Ben, May 2004

Me in front of Westminster Abbey, May 2004

The London Posts: Part II

2011-09-12T09:35:00.001-04:00

May 9, 2004
London, England
(about May 8, 2004)

I think I'm never going to get over this jet lag. On Saturday, I slept in until about 1 in the afternoon. We went to Piccadilly Circus today and did some shopping. We also watched a juggler on a unicycle at Covent Garden and went to a club called Roadhouse this evening. I almost forgot--B reminded me--that while we were at Piccadilly Circus a Hungarian veejay for some popular music channel interviewed us about our thoughts on British fashion. It was so funny! He was about my size*, super skinny, wearing black leather with his midriff showing. He had bronzed skin and bleached blonde hair. He asked us if we had favorite designers and who the best dressed man and woman in the world were.

If I remember correctly, I fumbled through the answers to those questions. I didn't have a favorite designer. My personal style was whatever is comfortable. I remember feeling really embarrassed because I was wearing this enormous red waterproof jacket, jeans, and sensible walking shoes. In other words, I was not looking fashionable at all, and I was going to be on European television! Of course, I never got to see that interview. For all I know, I was the butt of a joke, like on one of Jay Leno's Jaywalking sessions.

Me in the embarrassing red jacket, in front of Buckingham Palace.

*5'4".

The London Posts: Part I

2011-09-10T21:13:00.004-04:00

Seven years ago, I went to London with my younger brother. Today, I ran across some journal entries I wrote while we were there. We took this trip a year before I started blogging, so these thoughts have never seen the light of day (until now)....

Strand Palace Hotel
London England
7 May 2004

I'm so tired I feel nauseous...I'm hungry. But I am in London--for the first time in five years--and for that I'm very happy. I love this city. I just took a shower and changed into clean clothes. I want to put my makeup on and then venture out in search of food.

On the way here, we had a stopover in NYC at JFK airport. Looking out the airplane window, I was so excited to see the New York skyline because I had never seen it before. It was surreal.

While on the plane, I had the thought that our lives were in fragile suspense in the air. Then I realized that our lives are in fragile suspense even on the ground, and it's only God who preserves us.

I can't figure out how to use the hotel phone to make an international call. My poor mom is worried sick about us.

Me in Trafalgar Square, May 2004. I was squinting because of the pigeons flying close to my face.

i didn't know

2011-09-08T17:22:00.001-04:00

i didn't know when i bought this tape

that i would be using it to repair books

ravaged by a thirteen-month-old.

the words on pages 210 through 214

of the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy

are now forever misaligned

and fused together

by slick, shiny cellophane.

~robyn, september 8, 2011

Laity Lodge Writer's Retreat*

2011-09-04T23:54:00.003-04:00

I want to go to the Laity Lodge Writer's Retreat because I need to be there.

Last month, I took a family road trip to Alabama. This was in the midst of a very long creative dry-spell. I love to write, but lately I haven't been writing much. I've been wrapped up in all that encompasses new-wife-and-motherhood. So as we were leaving for the Alabama trip, I prayed for God to give me an idea. A spark, a catalyst to revive me.

God answered my prayer. We were passing by a billboard for one of the "adult novelty" stores that are so strangely prevalent down south when I was struck by an idea. I pulled out my journal and scribbled out the first pages of a story right then and there. For the next few days, in between visits with relatives, I wrote down little snippets when I could.

And then I came home. It's been almost three weeks since I've returned, and I've written maybe two pages in that period. I've been frustrated by never-ending "to-do's" at home and taunted by doubt in my ability to write this story.

I need this retreat because I need time and space to think and flesh out my story. I need this retreat so that I can be inspired by other writers. I need this retreat because I don't want to leave my baby daughter for four days without a phone or internet access, but I need to leave her because I will be a better wife and mother when I'm working toward doing what I was built to do.

So, please, send me.

*This post is part of a contest being held by The High Calling. Contest details are here.

Scrambled Eggs

2011-09-02T09:57:00.002-04:00

I'm feeling kind of nauseous because I had eggs and orange juice this morning. When I drink orange juice after eating scrambled eggs, I end up feeling sick. I knew this, but I did it anyway. And now I suffer the consequences. (Life lesson #1 of the day.)

For the past week or so, my brain has felt like scrambled eggs. I have so many random thoughts and ideas floating around in there. Ideas that would be really cool if I just implemented them. But, my scrambled-egg brain is telling me that I can't implement them until my brain feels more organized. Huh? It's gotten so bad that when I think I should write everything down, I instantly think it's no use because I won't possibly remember everything that I wanted to write down.

It's exhausting to live with me sometimes. I'm saying this, and I'm me.

My poor husband.

words on a page

2011-08-24T21:09:00.004-04:00

It's hard to find time to write when you have a one-year-old who suddenly HATES naps and bedtime.

Yes, she's a year old now, but I still don't have the pictures up to prove it. (See the line above.)

Also, I'm a total failure at the cry-it-out method.

Anyway, in non-parenting related topics, while on a recent road trip to Alabama, I started writing a short story. I've started short stories before, and never finished a single one. I never push past the resistance of not knowing what should happen next. I'm determined to finish this one.

Well, in all honestly, at first I was determined to finish this one. But it's been about a week, life has intervened, the momentum has died, and now I'm just hoping that I finish this one.

We all know hope doesn't get words on a page.

i love

2011-08-06T22:59:00.001-04:00

i love her thrill. her delight.

her stop-what-she's-doing to clap

when the music starts.

Bullets

2011-07-28T12:43:00.002-04:00

Miss M went to time-out for the first time yesterday. (She kept scratching me--hard--even though I told her to stop.) I don't think the minute she spent in her mini adirondack chair taught her any lessons. She smiled at me like it was all great fun.

I've been having strange and very vivid childbirth dreams. It's like my subconscious is totally ready to celebrate the one-year anniversary of Miss M's birth.

Miss M will be one year old on Saturday! Oh, and she has recently discovered the joy and thrill of piggyback rides. And she prefers to feed herself finger foods as opposed to being spoon-fed mushy stuff.

I have been shooting a lot. I want to keep up the momentum, but I need new models. So, let me know if you're in or around Virginia and want to be my guinea pig.

I have been keeping an idea journal. It's really neat to look back to see which ideas have come to fruition, which will be accomplished at a later date, and which ones need to be scrapped completely. The idea I've gotten the most satisfaction from so far is trading a couple photo sessions for my logo design. That came together like a dream.

I'm looking forward to more things coming together like dreams.

I'm currently reading this and this and this. I love reading good books.

What have you been doing?

Lately

2011-07-10T09:21:00.003-04:00

Photos from May 2011 and July 2011.

July 4, 2011

2011-07-04T21:25:00.003-04:00

july 4, 2011

i'm rushing home
on 664
trying to outrun
the second storm of the day.
i have a screaming,
teething baby in the back seat
and perishables in the trunk.
that concave, black-purple cloud
to my right is racing me
and it looks like it's gonna swallow my city whole.

~robyn l.

The Cloth-Diapering Conundrum

2011-06-23T09:07:00.018-04:00

I have a feeling that any mom who has looked into cloth diapering has begun her research and quickly felt totally overwhelmed. Unless you know someone who has been there, done that, it's hard to know where to begin.* Because there are so many options out there. (Who knew?)

When I first thought about cloth diapering, I was enchanted by those adorable prints you see on the "fancy" cloth diaper websites. I would have tried going that (pretty expensive) route, if my mom hadn't saved me from it. See, while I was pregnant with Miss M, I had mentioned to my mom that I wanted to cloth diaper my baby, for economic and environmental reasons. So, my mom went out and bought me some Gerber prefolds. (Prefolds are the classic cloth diapers you think of that are held together with pins.) When my mother-in-law saw that package of prefolds, she bought me another package. So, the decision was kind of made for me.

(Prefold diapers.)

Side note: Now is a good time to tell you that I'm not a cloth-diapering purist. Some days--a lot of days--I feel lazy. So, on those days, my daughter wears mostly disposables. (Using prefolds means you have to change the baby's diaper more frequently because they get soaked pretty quickly.)

Anyway, now that I had a stash of prefolds, I needed to find some covers to go with them. You need covers to hold in the moisture. This is when I discovered that I could use those adorable covers with regular prefold diapers. Somewhere in all of my internet research, I learned that Thirsties made really good covers that didn't leak. So, over time, we ended up with four Thirsties covers. Let me tell you, those things are cute! But, they leak! It was such a pain that I ended up using mostly disposables because dealing with the leaks was so annoying and discouraging.

(Thirsties covers.)

Eventually, I decided to see if they still made those little white pull-on puffy pants that my mom used to cover my younger brothers' cloth diapers back in the 80s. Turns out they do! I did some more research, and decided that Bummis pull-on Whisper Pants were the way to go. They are only about $6 each. They are made of nylon, and are snug around my baby's legs. They do not leak. (Unless I've somehow missed a spot and there is a bit of the diaper peeking out of the leg or waist area.) Now that I've gotten the right--admittedly less adorable--covers, I use cloth diapers just about every day, for most of the daytime hours.

(Bummis pull-on Whisper Pant.)

When do I not use cloth diapers? Overnight. And when I'm traveling or out running errands with Miss M. Some people cloth diaper overnight and when traveling, but I haven't even attempted it. I just assumed it would be a big headache and didn't even try.

Now, I mentioned that prefolds are classically held together with diaper pins. I was too afraid of sticking my baby with pins, so I researched other options for fastening prefolds. That's when I found out about Snappi fasteners. They are stretchy little Y-shaped contraptions that have short protrusions that hook into the diaper to hold it together. I bought three Snappi fasteners, which work great, and I have not needed any more than three. I have not found them to be a choking hazard (yet). If I remember correctly, the instructions say to stop using them when your kid figures out how to take off her diaper.

(Snappi fastener.)

About wipes. Unless I'm traveling or the grandparents are babysitting Miss M, I generally don't use disposable wipes. We mix our own wipe solution using California Baby Non-Burning & Calming Diaper Area Wash. I got this recipe from Johanna Price. Using an empty squirt bottle I got from the travel aisle at Target, I fill it about 1/8 of the way with the Diaper Area Wash and the rest of the way with water. When I change the baby's diaper, I squirt some of the solution onto a soft baby washcloth and use that as a wipe. (After cleaning her, I also spray a bit of the non-diluted wash directly on her bottom.) Big diaper messes usually require about three or four washcloths to get the job done. Needless to say, we own a lot of baby washcloths. I find that using the solution/washcloth method gets my baby's bum cleaner, probably because the washcloth is more textured than a store-bought wipe and because the wash smells really good. Also, Miss M has not had a single diaper rash since I started using the California Baby wash. (It's been a few months now.)

(Just a part of our baby washcloth stash.)

(California Baby Diaper Area Wash, and the diluted solution.)

Finally, about laundry. I don't have a fancy cloth-diapering pail. I have a cheap Home Depot bucket (with a lid) that my father-in-law gave us. I put the dirty diapers and washcloths in the bucket. I pour a scoop of Borax into the bucket with the diapers and add water. I try not to let the diapers accumulate for more than a day. When it's time to wash, I pour everything--diapers, cloths, water, and all--into the machine, and wash it all in hot water. I use either All Free & Clear laundry detergent or homemade detergent. (It just depends on which one we happen to have in the house.) Sometimes I rinse twice, if it had been an especially stinky load. I hang the covers up to dry and put everything else in the dryer. That's it. I don't find that I have incredible amounts of extra laundry due to cloth diapering. I do at least a load of laundry every day anyway, so I don't really feel like cloth diapering is a lot of extra work in the laundry department.

So, that's how cloth diapering works for me. Now, if someone could just instruct me on how to get the diaper on without my squirmy ten-month-old crawling away first....

*I hope this helps, Renee!

**This post was NOT sponsored.

How To Calm a Screaming Baby

2011-06-21T15:13:00.002-04:00

This video made me smile so big:

Milestones and Other Interesting Stuff

2011-06-13T15:49:00.005-04:00

Last week, I took this picture of my little girl:

Good thing I did, because it turned out to be the last photo of her very bald gums. June 11th was the day of my sister-in-law's baby shower. It was also the day that I noticed that Miss M's two bottom teeth were beginning to emerge. (I had been inspecting her gums every day, so I think I caught them on the very day they made their bashful appearance.) There is also a small white speck on her upper gum, so I suspect that she will have at least three (probably four) teeth coming in nearly all at once.

The day after her bottom teeth began to peek-a-boo, Miss M drank from a sippy cup for the first time. While Miss M was drinking from the sippy cup, I was playfully lamenting to my mom that my little baby was all grown up. Just at that moment, Miss M flipped her cup upside down and began gnawing on the bottom. "Never mind! I guess she's still a baby after all!" I laughed.

I mentioned my sister-in-law's baby shower. (It's a girl!) The party was held in a small town in Virginia. The very town where the last battle of the Civil War was fought. A remote, rural kind of place. Anyway, at the beginning of our drive home, my dad wanted to stop at this barbecue joint that they had found on one of their previous trips in the area. We stopped, and got some great barbecue. (Chicken for me and the hubs, since we don't eat pork.) Our order was so big that the owner threw in a free lemon pie as a thank-you.

Outside the restaurant, my youngest brother took this picture of my little family:

He also took this one, in which I'm fretting about lightning and an impending storm:

And boy did it storm on the drive home. Blinding rain. Hail. Fire-bright streaks of lightning. I prayed silently for our safety.

And then, about half an hour later, the sun came out and we enjoyed the beautiful scenery all the way home.

So Is Wesley!*

2011-05-31T00:51:00.003-04:00

Miss M is ten months old!

For more photos, haz cliq aqui.

*Wesley's mom blogs here.

Commence to Start!

2011-05-24T10:27:00.002-04:00

My younger sister graduated from college on Sunday. So, very early that morning, the whole family made the trek to Charlottesville for the big day. (The whole family minus my sis-in-law, the ER doctor, who had to work over the weekend. Her absence was definitely felt.)

This graduation was the first big event that I had taken Miss M to. And guess what? Having a noisy baby means you get to skip out on a lot of boring speeches. The main event was outdoors on the Lawn, where there were thousands of people, and Miss M was basically free to make as much noise as she wanted. Ironically, she was pretty quiet at that point. After the main ceremony, the students all went to different locations (based upon their majors) and received their diplomas as part of smaller ceremonies. My sister's ceremony was in the Aquatic and Fitness center, which has high ceilings that make for wonderful echoes. And, believe me, Miss M was testing out the acoustics before the ceremony even began! She wasn't crying; she was just doing her trademark happy/enthusiastic yelling. I took that as my cue to get her out of there, and we spent the bulk of the diploma ceremony in the lobby and out on the patio, people-watching and singing silly songs. (Including one I made up about a Mama's noisy baby, sung to the tune of "The Bear Went Over the Mountain".) While I was doing all that singing and playing, I realized I was relieved not to be indoors, eyes glazed over, politely applauding after boring speech after boring speech. So, I thank my little girl for saving me from the typical graduation experience.

By the end of the ceremony, I was one of many people with babies and small children wandering the lobby and gift shop. Babies are the perfect excuse not to sit still!

It was a long, fun, happy, exhausting day, and as we were leaving the Grounds, Miss M looked like this:

And then we went to dinner, and Miss M woke up and she yelled a lot while eating her peas and my cheddar-garlic biscuit and my mom pretended not to know us.

Just Like DaDa...

2011-05-16T00:05:00.002-04:00

Her dad played the drums in his high school marching band.

Sorry my posts have been so short lately. I've been super busy! One of the things I've been doing is making changes to my photo blog. (The link to that is on the right.)

Besides that, I've been wrapped up in Miss M's world, and thoroughly enjoying it. As you saw in my last post, she is pulling up on things now. She also loves pulling books and DVDs off the shelves and chewing on them. What can I say? She has good taste! (Ba dump bump.) She also learned how to clap in the past week. Nothing will melt your heart like a baby who enthusiastically applauds...everything (but especially the music on Sesame Street).

I love this girl.

She's No Couch Potato

2011-05-09T20:59:00.002-04:00

Why sit when "standing" is more fun?

These Days

2011-05-03T19:21:00.004-04:00

There is a family of robins that splits their time between our yard and the neighbors'. I love watching their winged sprints across our back lawn, their hops through the chain-linked fence.

There is a dove-couple building a nest under the awning of our back porch. (I say doves, but really they're small pigeons. "Dove" sounds less vermin-y.)

There is a bush of brilliant magenta roses blooming beneath our living room window.

There is a baby who squeals when she feels a light breeze, sees a blue sky instead of an off-white ceiling.

This is spring at our house these days.

Delirium: A Re-Post

2011-04-25T10:46:00.001-04:00

*This was originally posted on April 25, 2005. It was my very first entry on this here blog. (I had a previous short-lived blog on GeoCities a couple months earlier. But once I discovered the delicious simplicity of Blogger**, I ditched the first blog without blinking.) Anyway, I thought it would be fun to take a look back at my humble beginnings, on this, my six-year blogiversary.

As I enter week two of final exams at the HUSL, I am feeling physically ill. I had Family Law and Immigration last week, which were fairly good. But, my two hardest exams are coming up tomorrow and Tuesday--Corporations and Antitrust. Having to learn Antitrust in one night, while coming down with a cold is going to be a major undertaking. (Hopefully it won't take me under.) I'm at a good stopping point for tonight. I'm going to eat some Campbell's chicken & rice soup and go to bed.

Oy vey.

**This post was not sponsored. I hate that I have to say that!

Life in the L house

2011-04-22T14:58:00.000-04:00

Click HERE.

checking in

2011-04-20T10:00:00.003-04:00

Over the past weeks and days, I've been:

sneezing
making plans
taking pictures
watching my baby grow (she's a crawler now!)
helping people edit stuff they wrote
celebrating Passover

etc.

What have you been up to?

P.S. I'm selling my Canon 28-105mm lens, if anyone is interested....

Before & After

2011-04-14T17:01:00.005-04:00

I've been spending some time honing my photography lately, and thought I'd play along with Pixel Perfect's "Before & After" weekly blog hop. The gist of it is you post a photo the way it looked straight out of the camera ("SOOC"), and then you post the edited version. You also give a little info about the equipment used, and what you did to edit the photo.

So, here's my first stab at "Before & After":

Before (SOOC):

After:

I used my Canon Digital Rebel XT with a 28-105mm zoom lens. In Photoshop Elements 7, I adjusted the levels, lighting, contrast, and color saturation (of the leaves and blossoms), and also added a color filter. (I can't remember which color, though. Either "cyan" or "underwater".)

And that is that!

Eggs and Ice Cream Soup

2011-04-06T12:28:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, my sister-in-law's sister (that's a mouthful!) complained on Twitter that she hates melted ice cream. I immediately thought, ice cream soup! Which got me thinking about Pee-wee Herman, of course.

So, I found the "Ice Cream Soup" episode of Pee-wee's Playhouse on YouTube, and watched it. There's a pivotal scene in that episode in which Pee-wee is making a snack. (You guessed it--ice cream soup!) He scoops out the vanilla ice cream and carefully adds chocolate syrup, mixing it into a nice soft consistency. Just as he is about to add just a tad more chocolate syrup, Randy the bully floats in the window and stomps on Pee Wee's hand, causing him to flood the bowl with chocolate.

"It's RUINED! There's way too much chocolate in my ice cream soup! MY SNACK IS RUINED!" Pee-wee cries.

Conky comes to the rescue--("There's a solution to every problem.")--and tells Pee-wee to add more ice cream. Problem solved. And there is plenty of ice cream soup for the whole gang.

Fast forward to this morning. (Ok, this afternoon.) I'm scrambling eggs for brunch. I think I've opened the "shake" side of the seasoned salt, but I've inadvertently opened the "pour" side. I flood my eggs with seasoned salt. I yell to my husband, "Oh my gosh, I totally just WASTED THREE EGGS! I opened the wrong side of the seasoned salt, and now the eggs are DROWNING in seasoning!"

I guess Conky must be in my subconscious, because I decide to add some water to the eggs before cooking them to see if that will dilute the seasoning and salvage the eggs.

Problem solved?

Uh, no. Those eggs were totally gross.

Click here to see the scene from Pee-wee's Playhouse. Fast forward to minute 1:43. (You know you were so sad when that show was canceled.)

Someone Reminded Me...

2011-03-31T00:43:00.001-04:00

...to praise Him no matter what the situation.

Tension: A Re-post

2011-03-28T15:03:00.002-04:00

*This was originally posted on October 19, 2009.

I have mentioned before that I have distant Jewish ancestry. This fact causes me to struggle from time to time, because I long to be fully Jewish, and recognized by others as such. However, I have known and loved Yeshua nearly all my life. (And He has known and loved me for much, much longer.) I will not let Him go. I don't desire to. I can't fully put into words what He is to me....

My Yeshua-faith, coupled with my ambiguous Jewish ancestry have me in a place of limbo. I know full well that mainstream Jews will never accept me as one of their own. But I feel that I am one of their own, forever. This feeling is as intractable as my Yeshua-faith.

I could convert. But, here's why I think I probably won't. My options would be to either pursue a Messianic Jewish conversion or a "mainstream" Jewish conversion (e.g., Orthodox, Conservative, or Reform). If I were to go the Messianic Jewish route, essentially nothing about my life would change. I would continue to pursue Torah as I currently do. I would not be considered a Jew by anyone outside the Messianic community. I would not have the option of making aliyah to Israel. On the other hand, if I were to go the "mainstream" route, I would be considered a Jew by almost everyone's standards (unless I underwent a Reform conversion). I would be able to make aliyah. However, in the process, I would either be asked to openly renounce Yeshua, or I would be tempted to deny Him by omission just to "get through". Bad, bad, bad.

It boils down to this: Why would I want to undergo conversion? To gain the approval and acceptance of people? To fit in? And if I did convert, would God consider me a Jew? Isn't it His opinion that matters the most?

The way I see it, my sense of identity should come first and foremost from my relationship with God through Yeshua. My sense of purpose in life should come from seeking to please Him. If this means spending my life traveling God's path in tension between Jew and non-Jew, so be it. If this means the "discomfort" of explaining to my children why we follow Yeshua and Torah although we're not exactly Jews, so be it. There is more to life than seeking to satisfy my own yearnings.

You may be in a situation similar to mine and reach an entirely different conclusion. That is between you and God. What I have written here is a message mainly for me, but I felt compelled to share it.

Shalom, friends.

lullaby

2011-03-25T12:45:00.003-04:00

sleepy time on pandora

i love the music
and don't want to turn it off
but the computer is shining
on our faces
and we need to sleep
sweet sleep
goodnight, mija, goodnight

~robyn

learning

2011-03-23T22:00:00.002-04:00

she's learning to crawl.
for now she rolls.
front to back, easily.
back to front, with more effort.
and a lot of yelling.*
on her mint green shag rug,
she turns herself around
when i leave the room
so when i return
she's facing where she saw me last.

*hers, not mine.

M Is For MaryJean

2011-03-17T13:37:00.025-04:00

A few weekends ago, my husband, baby girl and I ventured out to the Virginia Beach Farmers Market for the first time. After wandering through the few stalls that were open--it was a Sunday in late winter--and buying some sweet potatoes for the baby and local honey for us, we stopped by the market's quaint little bakery. MaryJean's Bakery.

Tucked away in the Farmers Market, MaryJean's was a pleasant surprise. As we perused the glass case of desserts and sweet treats, the baker's husband struck up a conversation with us. Friendly and engaging, with not enough superlatives to describe his wife's confections, he hooked us. We bought two donuts, a mini cherry pie, a mini rhubarb pie, and a lemon whoopie pie. And we were not disappointed.

Later, when I tried the cherry pie, I told my husband, "I had always said that cherry pie was my favorite kind of pie. I didn't know what I was talking about, because clearly I had never had a cherry pie in my life." Until now.

I just had to share this lady Mary-Jean and her baked treats with the world. So, I went back, probed her about all things bakery-related, took a few photos, and left with a sack of jalapeno-cheddar bread and two pies (peach and cherry).*

Mary-Jean was sweet, soft-spoken and friendly. I learned that she is from Maine, by way of Mississippi and Missouri, and that she moved to Virginia to be closer to her children and grandchildren. Or in her words, she "followed" her grandkids here. I also learned that baking is a true passion in her life. Without further ado, here are Mary-Jean and her bakery, in all of their glory.**

Q: Where did you learn to bake?

A: From my mom. I was the third of nine kids, so I started cooking early. But I didn't start to bake until age twelve. The first thing I baked was peanut butter cookies for my siblings. We would sit and munch away on the peanut butter cookies and drink milk. That was the best life!

Q: What is your philosophy when it comes to baking?

A: I just like to bake with love. If I won't eat it, then I don't want to serve it to my customers. I love to bake. If I didn't like it, I would have thrown my hands up a long time ago.

Q: How do you come up with your recipes?

A: A lot of the recipes are my mom's recipes. I must tweak them a little bit, because they never taste as good as when my mom made them. I also make up my own recipes. Sometimes I use book recipes, but I change them.

Q: Is there any recipe that is special to you or close to your heart?

A: My mom's sweet potato pie and chocolate pie recipes. As a child, I always wanted the last piece of the chocolate pie or I would have a tantrum. My mom eventually started to trick me. She would save a slice from the pie and give it to me, pretending it was the last piece just to make me happy.

Q: What is a typical day like at your bakery?

A: Right now, I do a lot of the baking at home. We have a certified kitchen at home. So, I bake the big things like the breads, cakes and pies there. When I come into the shop every morning, I do the small things like cookies and donuts. I will be glad when we get the new hood for our oven***, because I will be able to bake everything in the shop. We will also be able to make things like calzones and New York style bagels.

Q: If there is one thing you want customers to know about MaryJean's bakery, what is it?

A: That we do everything naturally. No chemicals, no high fructose corn syrup. And we love to please our customers.

Q: If you could give one piece of advice to someone wanting to get started in the bakery business, what would it be?

A: Do your homework. If you like baking, go for it. If you have a question in your mind about having a bakery, leave it alone. It's a lot of hard work and long hours.

The bakery business is hard work that Mary-Jean does very well.

MaryJean's Bakery is located in Virginia Beach at 3640 Dam Neck Road.

Click here for more photos.

*I paid for all the goodies myself. I was not compensated in any way for writing this post. Unless you count what I gained in happiness.

**Her name is spelled Mary-Jean, with a hyphen, but the bakery's name leaves out the hyphen. Mary-Jean's answers in this post are paraphrased, because I didn't have a recording device with me, and although I was scribbling furiously, I couldn't get down every word.

***The new hood is coming soon, most likely in April.

Seven

2011-03-09T13:44:00.005-05:00

Miss M turned seven months old on the 30th of...wait, there was no 30th of February. Well, she's seven months old anyway, I suppose!

P.S. She's so sweet and funny and NOISY and good-natured and mischievous and I love her so.

haiku

2011-03-06T10:26:00.003-05:00

shower window view
purple, yellow flower tops
pretty backyard weeds

Once Upon A...

2011-02-24T14:55:00.006-05:00

This week, I started potty training my almost seven-month-old. It's more of an experiment at this point than your traditional, in-the-trenches potty training. (She can't even walk--or crawl--to the toilet yet!)

But, we have bought her a potty. This one:

And she has peed on it (in it?) exactly twice.

I sit her on it after almost every diaper change (before I put on a new diaper). The first time I sat her on it, she was mildly weirded out. So, I try to make it fun for her. I sing the alphabet song. (She loves it.) Then I sing the aleph-bet song. (She loves it, too.) Then I count from one to ten in a sing-song style in English and in Spanish. I go through all those songs (and numbers, literally) maybe twice, and then tell her "good job!" (whether she pees or not) and put on her new diaper.

So far it's fun and painless. She smiles and giggles during my songs, so I assume I'm not traumatizing her. And I'm hoping that if she gets used to this potty thing now, we won't have such a struggle on our hands when she is a toddler.

Let's Go All Around the Neighborhood*

2011-02-18T23:27:00.010-05:00

Today, Miss M and I enjoyed a little warmth and sunshine. I enjoyed it a little more than she did because she was in and out of consciousness.

First we went to the post office near the courthouse where I used to work. We mailed a couple of packages--one to my sister-in-law (who is expecting a little one of her own!) and one to my newborn cousin. Tangent: I love sending things in the mail. Specifically, packages and handwritten notes. There's something about sending off small (or large) bundles when the recipients are not expecting them, knowing that it will surprise them and make their day. When I want to feel happy, I send someone a letter or a small gift in the mail.

Anyway, after we dropped off those packages, we ventured across the street to walk by the James River. I saw this:

Miss M didn't. She was asleep, with the wind guard up on her stroller. (It was windy down by that river!) If she did happen to wake up, all she would have seen was my face through that small rectangular plastic window in the wind guard. And then she would have fallen back to sleep, because she sees my face all the time. Boring!

After I saw the river and Miss M didn't, we went to the library. I checked out a couple of movies. Miss M was awake for this part. She smiled a lot. Maybe she was impressed by all the shelves full of books. Or maybe she was just amused that I seemed to be happy about all those shelves full of books.

I was excited about the next part. When we left the library, we headed to my husband's office to pop in and say hello. Miss M must not have been too excited about seeing her dad, because she fell asleep on the ten-minute ride there, and stayed asleep until after we left. I guess she's used to seeing his face all the time, too.

Ah, but she woke up for the next part. Home. A girls' night, just the two of us. We read stories! We played with blocks! We listened to Harry Belafonte! And one of my old mix CDs. (The Flaming Lips! Beastie Boys!) We danced! Miss M ate oatmeal!

And almost immediately after her last bite, she fell asleep.

*A children's book that was a fave in my family when we were kids. In the story, a little girl and her mom run errands all over their neighborhood. My day with Miss M today reminded me of that story. Except we didn't buy red sneakers for Miss M. Or eat cheeseburgers. But whatever.

Granola

2011-02-03T08:41:00.007-05:00

I have a girl-crush on Mayim Bialik. It had been latent for years, since the end of Blossom. But lately, those old feelings have resurfaced. Not because of her work on The Big Bang Theory, although that show does amuse me. No, it's because of her recent musings on Kveller.com. Mayim makes attachment parenting sound so dang cool.

See, she and her husband co-sleep with their two kids. (Actually, she calls it "bed-sharing".) Many people may think that is weird or unacceptable or whatever. But I have a confession to make--we co-sleep here in the L household as well. It's the only way we can all sleep through the night. Miss M sleeps more soundly snuggled up next to me, and honestly, I sleep more soundly too, knowing that she is right there and I can hear her breathe. And it's just fun to wake up with my little girl babbling happily in my ear. Anyway, it's nice to have a concrete example of someone else who does the co-sleeping thing, and does it successfully.

Mayim breastfed her two sons. She is currently still breastfeeding her second son, who is two years old. Although, I can't see myself nursing for so long, it inspires me that she has chosen that path. Nursing didn't really work out for me, for many reasons. (My daughter was bottle-fed right from the beginning in the NICU, and after her month-long hospital stay, she didn't take very well to nursing. Also, she has a slight tongue-tie, which I think definitely complicated matters. Her stay in the hospital didn't do much to help my milk-supply, either. But, I digress.) Mayim's successful navigation of the challenge of breastfeeding makes me think that maybe I can be successful at it, too, the second time around. (Especially if any subsequent children of mine are born on time and are spared any lengthy hospital stays.)

Babywearing is Mayim's mode of baby-transport of choice. I had such dreams of babywearing. But, again that was thwarted by Miss M's prematurity. When we brought her home from the hospital, she weighed roughly five pounds. According to the instructions on our Moby wrap and our Baby Bjorn, she was too small to be carried in them. By the time she was big enough to be worn, she was used to being all loose and free, and didn't really want any part of being strapped to my chest. I remember finally figuring out the Moby, and getting it all wrapped and tied just so, only to have Miss M wriggle and squirm herself loose as soon as she was in it. Another dream deferred.* But again, Mayim's babywearing coolness is something I aspire to the second (and third and fourth...) time around.

Finally, Mayim and her husband practiced elimination communication ("EC") with their sons. This is basically early potty training. The parents read their infants' cues regarding when they have to "go", and begin to "catch" their business in the potty instead of in a diaper. With this method, babies can end up potty-trained before they can even walk or talk. It may seem strange, but this is done all over the world. Well before I knew of Mayim's foray into EC, I wanted to try it with Miss M. Knowing that Mayim does it just makes my girl-crush that much stronger.

There is much more to Ms. Bialik's parenting philosophy that I admire, but I don't want this to turn into (more of) a laundry list. I will say, though, that until I became a mom, I didn't realize that I would be so much of a crunchy, granola mom. Mayim makes the crunch so alluring. Since I can't have her baby, I may just settle for naming my next girl after her.

*I do, however put Miss M in the Baby Bjorn (facing outward) from time to time. Usually, when I'm doing something in the kitchen and she starts howling uncontrollably. The Bjorn seems to calm her right down. Recently I have baked a cake and made hummus with the little girl watching from the Bjorn. If I keep it up, she may just learn to cook!

Quite Possibly a Perfect Song

2011-01-28T12:56:00.003-05:00

There are a few songs that I think I are absolutely perfect. The melody, harmony, rhythm. The singer's voice. Everything. This is one of them. I used to play it on repeat, and just get lost in it. I did that again today, with my little girl as my audience as I danced to it.

P.S. Yes, the percussion section is a tap dancer.

Tilly and the Wall--Lost Girls

The Mystery of Lauryn Hill

2011-01-23T20:58:00.003-05:00

I was singing the opening lines of To Zion to my daughter, when it hit me. I suddenly knew why Lauryn Hill "disappeared" for so long.

Five children.

Need I say more?

Where My Mouth Is

2011-01-17T19:35:00.007-05:00

Thankfully, my last post wasn't all talk. Making that list was just what I needed to stir myself to action. Over the next three days, I/we:

Uploaded and edited a bunch of photos of my girl;

Purged my daughter's dresser and closet of everything that was too small;

Cleared off our dresser and organized our bedroom;

Dusted and vacuumed the house;

Changed the air filter*;

Washed a lot of clothes;

Scrubbed the bathroom.

And what I'm most proud of:

I did some meal planning.

As in, I looked up recipes, bought ingredients, and actually cooked! My husband is the cook in the family, so this is a big deal. Yesterday I made pot roast for the second time ever. And biscuits from scratch. My husband loved it. So, this cooking thing must continue. (My crock pot is going to be my new favorite kitchen gadget. Or at least a close second to my baking stone.)

Other developments:

I finally made my daughter laugh today! I had been trying for months. I was starting to worry that maybe she already thinks she's too cool for me. I had heard her giggling in her sleep several times, so I knew she was capable of making that adorable sound. But the most I had ever gotten while she was awake were some big smiles and squeals. Until today! Now I know she really likes me. But don't tell my husband, because he was at work when the laughter erupted and she hasn't laughed for him yet.**

I was going to write some serious stuff, but How I Met Your Mother is starting. Gotta go.

*I'm allergic to pretty much everything, so we should have done this one a loooong time ago.

**Yes, parenthood is all about getting your baby to do cool tricks.

She loves her feet...

...and her dad.

Yes, I Said "Illegal"

2011-01-09T18:02:00.005-05:00

Happy New Year! (Eight days late.)

Here's a bunch of random stuff, with one over-arching theme:

Since I brought my daughter home from the hospital, I have started reading several books, and haven't finished reading any of them.

Mount Laundry mocks me as it grows taller and wider.

I haven't seen the top of my dresser since before we moved into this house. (Roughly, a day or two before Miss M was born.)

My dining room table looks like a grocery store for babies.

Miss M's crib (which is about to become illegal anyway) has only ever been used to store her blankets, cloth diapers, stuffed animals, and other baby-related odds and ends. Well, we put the baby in it once. She liked it.

My daughter will be six months old by the time I finally upload her five-month "birthday" pictures.

The theme?

I need to get organized.

How's your new year going?

Miss M, the one time we put her in her crib.

P.S. I saw this bib at Target this evening. It says it all, doesn't it?

I Love This Nutty Noisemaker

2010-12-28T20:53:00.003-05:00

This girl is a handful.

She is loud.

She's always wriggling and squirming.

She can roll over from front to back now. Back to front is next...just a matter of time.

She really, REALLY wants to crawl.

Shrieking and squealing are her favorite forms of communication.

She is not shy. At all.

Did I mention she is LOUD?

In a nutshell, she appears to be my complete opposite.

Is this really my child?

Four Months

2010-12-10T16:03:00.003-05:00

Miss M turned four months old on November 30th. She had her four-month checkup today, along with the accompanying vaccinations. The shots were a little more heartbreaking than last time, because there were more tears involved, and because her face told us she had been betrayed.

After the injections, in true Miss M style, she yelled at the nurse who stuck her.* That's my girl.

Before the damage:

After:

*The doctor and the nurse gave her the injections simultaneously--one in each thigh--but Miss M was facing the nurse. If she had known that the doctor was also a needle-wielding sadist, she would have yelled at her too.

Fourth Night

2010-12-04T19:06:00.004-05:00

Nearly the same scenario as the second night. Except this time, my husband lit the candles while I held the little one, who was wearing nothing but a chlorine-free disposable diaper and a little pink hat.

Third Night

2010-12-04T15:02:00.005-05:00

And on the third night of Hanukkah, which was also the evening of Shabbat, we didn't light the candles at all. I had planned to, but my husband was out running errands and I wanted to wait for him. By the time I remembered about lighting the Hanukkah candles, it was after dark, so I didn't do it. We did go to a Hanukkah party, though, so the evening wasn't a total wash.

Miss M and I went to another Hanukkah party today. One of the hosts asked if we knew any Hanukkah carols. (Nope.) When I came home, I found this video in my inbox (sent by one of my fellow partygoers):

@ Yahoo! Video

Second Night

2010-12-02T22:40:00.005-05:00

My husband held the baby, who was wearing nothing but a cloth diaper, as we recited blessings and lit the candles. She was wearing nothing but a cloth diaper because, minutes before, we had cleaned up one of her really big poop explosions. A few minutes after the candle lighting, we put her in the bath and got her dressed for our Hanukkah dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Hanukkah (and life) with a four-month-old is not as orderly and predictable as holidays in the past. I'm really enjoying it, though, poop explosions and all.

(Miss M earlier today when she should have been taking a nap. Instead, she was staring at a painting on the wall.)

Our First Family Hanukkah

2010-12-01T20:35:00.004-05:00

The baby was hollering as we recited the blessings. I lit the candles as my husband warmed up Miss M's bottle.

There's no telling how the second night will go....

P.S. She's still hollering.

Miss M's Playlist #5

2010-11-23T02:37:00.002-05:00

This song is at the end of Knocked Up, and I love it.

P.S. Ever notice how Judd Apatow movies are simultaneously raunchy and all about the family values? Sneaky.

Miss M's Playlist #4

2010-11-21T00:52:00.000-05:00

Yes indeed, we love Sir Paul.

Miss M's Playlist #3

2010-11-19T00:48:00.000-05:00

We love Sir Paul...

Misc.

2010-11-17T20:13:00.005-05:00

1. I'm sooo excited about Hanukkah this year. Probably mostly because it will be our first Hanukkah with our baby. I ordered a new menorah a couple days ago, only because I couldn't find the $2 menorah I bought last year. (We never finished unpacking after the move. All of our stuff that we don't use on a daily basis is packed away in our "third bedroom", which we're fairly certain used to be a garage. It's really super freezing cold in there.)

2. I'm reading Emma very, very slowly. I bought a bunch of B & N classics last month, in order to maximize my birthday gift card. I only have time to sneak in a few paragraphs here and there, like when I can't fall asleep right away when I go to bed. At this rate, Emma will last me until my next birthday.

3. I'm planning to take Miss M to her first story time at the library tomorrow. The thing is, she falls asleep whenever we drive her anywhere, and tends to stay asleep during entire shopping trips and such. So, between the two of us, I may be the only one listening to any children's stories tomorrow. It's ok, though. This activity has a hidden agenda--I'm hoping it will serve as a way for me to meet some other moms. You know how in high school after a big test, you compare answers with your friends to gauge how you did? Yeah, I'm needing that sort of interaction on a mom-to-mom level. But not only that--it would be nice to have some local friends.

4. I'm still singing the praises of prune juice.

5. I think we have a gopher living in our yard.

Miss M's Playlist #2

2010-11-17T00:26:00.001-05:00

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on...

Miss M's Playlist #1

2010-11-15T07:12:00.003-05:00

While I was pregnant, I compiled a growing list of songs I wanted to share with my baby. Most of the songs were ones that would play in my parents' car when I was a small child. Like this one:

Miss M is hearing it now for the first (and second and third) time as I feed her.

More of her playlist will be coming soon.

Prune Juice Works!

2010-11-12T12:19:00.005-05:00

A tip: If your little one is constipated, and you're a mom who breastfeeds, drink some prune juice.* It will help your angel to go, baby, go! I've tried it. It works. (I know it works, because let's just say that what comes out smells like prune juice.)

I hope you weren't reading this on your lunch break.

*My girl has a sensitive stomach, so I didn't want to feed her prune juice directly. I figured that getting the prune juice through nursing would dilute it a bit.

Heavy Laden

2010-11-05T16:10:00.006-04:00

While I was in law school, I had to leave school for a semester because I was very sick. I had been recently diagnosed with lupus, and I was experiencing a lot of its major symptoms.

During that semester off, I was really tired and weak. I spent a lot of time on my sofa--sleeping and watching The Food Network and Gilmore Girls. Sometimes I would go for walks.

My walks were usually not lighthearted. I would circle my apartment complex a time or two mulling over my problems, large and small. Once I walked to an office park just up the road from my neighborhood and sat on a bench by its reflecting pool and just thought.

The other day, I remembered that time in my life. I saw myself sitting on that bench, my shoulders heavy with illness and problems. And I thought, "What made me think I had to bear it alone?"

Seriously, what made me think I had to handle everything with no help?

Something for me to think about during this time in my life.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. ~Matthew 11:28-30

Seasons Change...

2010-11-02T16:05:00.002-04:00

...and helpless children all over the northern hemisphere are at the mercy of their parents' need to bundle them senseless.

Miss M, age three months.

Saturday Night

2010-10-30T19:38:00.004-04:00

I'm in the backseat with the baby in the parking lot of Ruby Tuesday. My husband is inside watching college football and waiting for our carry-out. Burgers. Mine without cheese, because the baby is sensitive to milk products. We have a movie waiting for us at home--Rachel Getting Married--which I checked out from the library this afternoon.

Miss M is fast asleep in her car seat. She will probably wake up hungry as soon as we get home. So we will feed her first and then stuff our faces.

I'm loving our family adventures.

2 a.m.

2010-10-25T02:05:00.002-04:00

It's a little after 2 a.m. I've got my little girl in my arms. We're listening to lullabies on Pandora. I'm also scrolling through the archives of one of my favorite blogs. I remember a lot of these blog posts from when they were first written. As I shush and rock my girl, I realize I'm not just a spectator. Life changes in big and small ways for everyone, including me.

Moving Target

2010-10-12T21:45:00.005-04:00

This evening I finally took Miss M out, alone. I had been hesitant to take solo trips with her before, because she has acid reflux. At certain points in the past, her reflux had been so bad that the milk (and formula) she would regurgitate would obstruct her breathing. As in she would literally be unable to breathe. We would have to thump her on the back to get her jump-started again. The first time this happened, it was terrifying. All the other times since, it was stressful.

So, understandably, I didn't want to take her anywhere alone. Because babies have to ride in the back seat, facing backwards, I was afraid that she would have one of those "episodes" while I was driving, and I wouldn't realize it until it was too late.

Sigh. New babies (and their mamas) are so much drama.

Anyway, Miss M has been doing well on the reflux-front lately.* We have her on a couple of good medications. (Zantac to neutralize her stomach acid, and Erythromycin to keep her food moving quickly through her g.i. tract.) She hasn't had any serious episodes in weeks. Last week, a little milk dribbled from her nose, but that was nothing compared to how it used to be.

So, tonight was the night. I said a quick prayer that we would be safe and that she would keep breathing, and took her to Target (a five-minute drive from home). She slept on the way there. (I kept reaching back to touch her and make sure she was ok.) She woke up in the store to a world of bright lights and exciting new things. I talked to her while I zipped around the store. We left, loaded into the car with minimal fussing, and were home again within minutes.

Maybe next time I'll be able to drive without twisting my arm behind me to touch her little fingers.

And I'm totally getting a backseat mirror so that I can see her face.

During our trip tonight. Side note: She looks like a boy here. Next time, she's wearing pink.

*A few hours after I wrote this, she had a full-on, mouth-and-nose gusher. So, the vigilance continues.

Koopa Troopa

2010-10-05T16:22:00.004-04:00

Miss M is asleep on my lap. Today was a big day for her. She had her first vaccinations. I was dreading this day more than I needed to. I thought it was going to be traumatic for her (i.e., me)--my husband holding her while nurses jabbed her in each thigh with inch-long needles. But, my girl was a trooper. She cried at the moment of the injections, but then was calm and quiet as soon as it was over. She screams more (and louder) when we change her diaper.

She's a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, shrouded in mystery.

Not really.

In general, she cries for three reasons. 1. She's hungry. 2. She's trying to make a move (if you know what I mean). 3. We are changing her diaper. That's it. If she's bored, she'll let out a solitary yelp to get our attention. Otherwise, she's quiet and happy.

She loves her bath time. (That was not always the case. But, hospital sponge baths are a far cry from being immersed in relaxing, warm water.) She especially loves getting her hair washed. She will look around wide-eyed and enjoy the sudsing and the rinsing while my husband is at the other end of the tub washing her fingers and belly and toes.

One thing she is iffy about is the whole book-reading thing. I'll take advantage of a moment when she is alert and calm to read her a story. Maybe it's coincidence, but more than a couple of times, just as I've cracked open a book, she has begun squirming as if to say, "Not now, Mom. Please, can I do my homework later?" As an English major (and former English teacher), this concerns me. My husband thinks it's funny. (He's not so big on the reading for fun.)

I'm not giving up. She's going to hear Whose Toes Are Those? and Whose Knees Are These? at least a hundred times each, and she's going to love it whether she likes it or not.

Miss M. is two months old, weighs almost 8 pounds, and makes me happy even when she's crying. (But I try not to make her cry.)

Miss M. last Friday (her two-month "birthday").

33

2010-09-29T07:00:00.003-04:00

Today is my thirty-third birthday. (Although I won't officially be thirty-three until 9:22 a.m. central time.)

I'm up for a six a.m. feeding. The baby's--not mine.

I'm patting the back of a little girl who refuses to burp. Maybe she's just too polite.

I'm typing with one hand.

My life is so very different from how it was at my last birthday.

I love being a mommy.

Let's Play a Game...

2010-09-23T16:56:00.002-04:00

...a dream-interpretation game.

The other night, I had a dream that I was riding a bike uphill on a wooded street. After a lot of effort, I realized that I wasn't making any progress. I looked down, and that's when I noticed that my wheels were missing. Someone had stolen them. The puzzling thing was that I had not let my bike out of my sight for even a second. That means that the thief had stolen my wheels right out from under my nose.

So, what could this dream mean?

Have you had any puzzling dreams lately? Maybe I can illuminate them for you.